looking through someone else’s eyes

My brother has been rummaging through some stuff in my mum’s room, and he stumbled across a few of my old spectacles, which he then placed outside for me to see. He found only two of the perhaps dozens of glasses I have accumulated from the past 7 years. I guess I broke most of them, since I was not exactly the kindest to my spectacles, yet even so, finding these old ‘viewfinders’ brought a ‘new’ outlook in my life. Why ‘new’? I do not believe these views to be exactly new, since generally, what I am doing is just to find my way back to the situations that had shaped or had broken me. But they are new since one does not really know the things that are happening to her life at the time they are happening, for all of it is really just a blur; people realize all they can long after the ‘things’ have come and gone.

The pairs of glasses I, rather, my brother, has found were the ones I had when I was in my sophomore year in high school. One pair was the only pair I have ever had that had tints on it. The tints were of a bright blue shade, and I remember having the lenses originally placed in a funky set of frames, which were really just a pair of shades whose lenses I did not really appreciate, and could not see properly through to begin with. I remember the phrase ‘seeing the world through rose-tinted glasses’. Though these glasses weren’t exactly rose-tinted, they generally gave me a sense of well-being while I wore them. Another pair are the ones I now call ‘Lisa Loeb’ glasses. I remember Lisa Loeb having unique specs, and even though my pair weren’t exactly like the ones she has, they still remind me of her. These glasses were made of black plastic, and most may view them as geek specs, where a few rock-star oriented people would view them as stylish. I do not really know why they resurfaced, perhaps to remind me of who I was and how much I have changed, but then again, for what reason? Here comes again the context of faith, where everything happens for a reason. A reason, as the present moment requires, I am yet to discover.

i am fine… or am i? ver 2.0

I have not written down anything for quite a while now, and it sucks to know that I should be concentrating on sleeping right now, but I just cannot sleep. I woke up about 2 hours ago because of my asthma, again. After taking my medicine, my system would not allow me to sleep once more, and so I sat on my bed, and finally decided to watch “My Sassy Girl” once more, hoping that I may get some inspiration for my movie review, which is to be passed on Thursday (THIS Thursday!!!). I was only able to watch the first part of the movie, and yet I was able to have a few insights on the movie, which, of course, concerns my life.

I remember Kim saying before I watched the movie, that our relationship is somehow like the relationship of the main characters in the film. Generally, it was about the superficial part of our relationship, such as girl beats boy up, boy receives tons of death threats from girl, and boy ends up looking stupid most of the time because of girl. You get the picture right? But then, come to think of it, my relationship with Kim may not be related to the film superficially only. First, the girl in the film only hooked up with the boy, because she was looking for her dead boyfriend in him, who, coincidentally, was the boy’s cousin. I am sure this would never be true on my part, since Kim is my first boyfriend, and I have no one else before him to compare him with. But if I break up with him, for reasons that might include death, will I look for him in my next boyfriend? Another thing in the movie was that the girl was sad, but always appeared to be happy on the outside, and yet the boy could still sense it. Can Kim sense my sadness too? Lastly, the girl was generally puzzled of his relationship with boy, and so she leaves him behind to find herself in other ways. I remember being puzzled a lot before, and frequently, confusion still visits me. Despite all that, I pray that this should never happen to Kim and I, and that we may last as long as it takes to drive away that confusion.

Sleep is slowly dawning upon me, and I am running out of things to write down. So for now, I say farewell to you, and that I hope it will not take another month before I realize that you exist and deserve some of my well-preserved thoughts. Adieu, once again, and good morning.