andiecrafts

I have never given much thought to my existence, to be frank. I just know that I am being true to myself more often than just sometimes. Thinking such, I then realize that I am not exactly the genius behind the logic of how much am I being true to myself, for whether you have seen it or not, “more often than just sometimes” seems quite vague a description of the time I actually spend on being me and not being others. I guess the whole world is just telling me, “Who the heck are you, really?” I may be numb sometimes, but such a slap in the face could, and should, never be ignored unless doing so could save you from certain death. In my case, doing so might even save me from a life better spent dead. And besides, I myself am curious to know who I really am, and that is quite ironic, even funny, considering that I know who I am although I have never given it much thought, which, in turn, makes me forget.

I have been crazy, and I believe I still am. Some people might stop calling me ‘baliw,’ or ‘balieu’ after reading this, perhaps because they believe that constant name-calling actually leads the person to evolve into such name. Do not worry, my friends, and even those I have not met yet but had the chance (perhaps privilege) to read this piece. I have been first to call myself crazy, as a means of getting over past craziness issues. I like to view my past, out-of-my-mind experiences as times with which I could look back and just laugh at myself. Those were difficult times, and I do not think anyone even noticed I was undergoing those moments. I was pretty much alone just when I needed someone at the very most, and this I mean without offense to the people who surround me, for I have chosen to be alone. Remembering my darkest hours are dark indeed, and viewing those times as ‘jokes’ actually help me cope. Trust me, I have not recuperated completely from my period of insanity.

I am tired and I am going to sleep. I am going to finish this piece some other time.