about pigsty jungles, kitten-sized mice, and suicide cocktails

Ha! Methods (again, and again and again…). My life is starting to get pretty boring… I think I’ll jump off the bridge or something. At least THAT would be doing something new (though I seriously doubt if there’s anything much to do after).

I was deprived of seeing Sylvia. My mom went into my room earlier and saw that my room has once again turned into a jungle (not a pigsty. That would be too much of an understatement. Nobody ever gets lost in a pigsty.). So I turned to the computer downstairs (she’s much older, but she has no name yet). And now, I am being reminded why I hate using her so much.

It’s the mouse. By the size of it, more like a rat. Or a new-born kitten. And probably the same weight, too. Although it already has this scroll-thingy, it’s as heavy as Titanic (and, again, as big as it, too), and you have to constantly clean the insides to make sure the dirt does not hinder any mouse movement (something like our intestines, huh?). So agenda for this weekend? Either make the kitten of a mouse eat some fibrous food, or buy a new optical mouse (damn! Why didn’t I think of that before?!?!?!).

My respiratory system has gone haywire. Again. It’s the hot weather, I guess. It’s producing more dust for me to enjoy. Add school work to it, and it’s the best slow-suicide cocktail ever!

Better start taking in some of that cocktail now. Adios!

Sylvia, my love…

i’m not telling

So maybe secrets aren’t my thing. I am currently in the middle of my Strength of Materials class, and I think my D-cup (or meybe it’s E?) professor is starting to wonder why I am smiling myself silly.

I made myself a new smiley last week. Yesterday, as a product of sheer boredom, I was able to make a smiley of someone else. I’m not telling who. What everybody has to know is that the smiley just makes me want to laugh myself to oblivion.

Our professor in Strength is weird. That fact that I was able to say so should make one wonder how weird he (or at least I think he was born a male) really is. He went to class wearing a semi-formal shirt. Shouldn’t be too surprising though. That is if I crossed the part about him (I seriously think he was meant by God to be a male, considering his physique) wearing body-hugging shirts (which shows of his big, um, future? Well, he has bigger future than mine, that’s for sure…) and bling-bling most, if not all the time.

I am mean. I guess being mean is a normal product of boredom.

P.S. I remember Sir Saluague teaching us the same thing he is teaching us now in a flash. No kidding. I went out of his class wheezing due to the speed. Jajaja.

P.P.S. Even though he’s not good at teaching, at least he has, well, big future.

P.P.P.S. A better title for this entry ought to be “boredom in its most powerful state.”

a blast from the not-too-distant past

Angela Chris Lopez Andutan
Bestfriend for over 6 years

Last Saturday probably contained the best 30 minutes of my life. After two-and-a-quarter years of not seeing the first person who took me as a friend for who I am, we were given only thirty minutes to spend with each other. Sure, the thirty minutes were fast, but the two-and-a-quarter years seemed like a day, and the memories we made on the thirty minutes we spent with each other were enough to last me a lifetime (although I fervently hope that it would not take another two-and-a-quarter years before we could get to see each other again.)

Anj and I last saw each other on October 2004. But the way we laughed and talked and fooled around last Saturday made October 2004 seem like February 9, 2007. We talked about all the kinds of things we would normally talk about on a school day, while walking all the way to lunch. Sheesh, I miss high school. I seriously doubt though that I would miss it half as much as I do now if I did not meet Anj.

Anj and I met while we were high school freshmen. We each knew that the other existed, and that was it. I had my own set of “friends,” she had hers. Although a few grudges for those “friends” that I had still exist, I am partially grateful for them for were it not for them, I would not have known how great a friend Anj is.

We became classmates when we were sophomores. I was still hanging out with the “friends” that I had, but the relationship was becoming a little stressed. I have made a lot of theories why, but this isn’t the right time to express them. Eventually, I fell out of the group. I still hold strong onto the fact that the falling out was never my fault, and that they never apologized to me (well, they did after almost three years… on our retreat! Man! We do become Tupperwares on retreats… obvious ba ang galit?). Anyway, it just so happened that a few days after the falling out, our teacher rearranged our seating positions. Lucky me, for I ended up beside Anj. That’s when I realized how great she was at art. You should have seen all the sketches she made! She would sketch on her notebook instead of copying notes, then she would just cross these amazing works of art out, then I would express my want to kill her for wasting a masterpiece. That was the start of our crazy moments together.

It took a relatively long time before I allowed Anj into my heart. She was the best kind friend one could ever encounter in this world (she never looked at the kind of person she was having as a friend… she only looked at herself and thought of the things she could give as a friend), but I was heartbroken because of “friends.” We hanged out a lot, laughed a lot, and did crazy things together, but I was a little uncomfortable of calling her my best friend. I can’t exactly remember when I finally loosened up, I am just thankful that I did.

What are the things I remember most about Anj? Well, I like poking her chin, that’s one. I remember skating on Magsaysay Park, and ending up with sore butts the next day in school. I remember the entire school recognizing her talent in art because of my big mouth (the Disney princess task Ma’am Angie gave her was her debut work of art). I remember wall-climbing with her. I remember eating lunch and talking about our food, trying to gross each other out (ie, “Uy, pansin mo, mukhang maggots ang rice ko… sa ‘yo rin o!”). I remember crying and she would just sit there and listen. I remember her talking about things I would never experience, and how she longs to see the person again, and how I kept calling the name I saw on the telephone directory (it’s just that nobody would answer the phone). I remember graduation and how it broke my heart to know that she would be studying 10 hours away. With Anj, happy moments are just as memorable as the sad ones. I would never have been the person that I am now if it weren’t for her, With Anj, it doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing: as long as we are forever friends.

To Anj (if you are reading this): Thank you so much for so many things. You taught me how to share, and that receiving is not all bad. Thank you so much for making my day last Saturday. You made me remember how good it was to be with you back in high school. You reminded me that even though the world may be mean sometimes, being with good friends can take away all the pain. Best friend, sobrang maraming salamat. Labyah, bestfriend!

oops… a bit off-screen

still a bit off…

oops… waaaay-off!

that’s it!

one more!

ganda ng bestfriend ko!

blind

If I were to lose one of my senses, I’d rather lose my eyes. Cris said he’d rather lose everything else but his eyes. He has his reasons, I have mine. He’ll talk about his reasons in his own time, but for now, my time to talk about my reasons has come.

I can’t live without the music of love that comes with every song, encouraging word, and term of endearment. I can’t live without hearing my parents, friends, and family while they are telling me how much they love me in their own little ways. I can’t live without hearing my sister speak to me about things that mutually matter to us. I can’t live without hearing my brother annoy me, which actually is his way of telling me how much I mean to him. I can’t live without hearing my parents baby-talk and crack their insane jokes–their little way of showing me their hopes of me not growing up too soon. I can live without a lot of things, but I can’t live without the ability to hear and listen.

I can’t live without the touch of those closest to me. I can’t live without the kisses of my mom, dad, bro, sis, and closest friends. I can’t live without feeling the gentle warmth that comes with the simple handshake that happens between soon-to-be friends, the powerful hug of which we need eight a day, and the touch on the arm that shows how much we care. I am a person full of feelings. Taking my sense of touch away would reduce me to nothing more than a person in a coma.

I love the smell of flowers. I love the smell and taste of food. Tasting and smelling things have come to me as naturally as if I were a hound. I could never imagine living without smelling the damp air of the early morning, and the smell and taste of breakfast that soon follows it. I can’t live without the comfort that comes at the smell of a new or antique book. Depriving me of my sense of smell and taste would deprive me of the simple pleasures of life that could never be replaced by all the money in the world.

I may read a lot, but losing my eyes wouldn’t really matter: anyway, I still have my loved ones to read for me… or I could learn the Braille. I might be able to love better if I did not have my eyes judge for me. I might be able to appreciate my surroundings if I can’t see the extent of the damage we have done to it. I might develop a greater respect for humanity if I can’t see the evil we have managed to spread in this world, and the pains we have managed to cause each other. Anyway, I am almost blind to begin with. I am extremely near-sighted, and I guess blindness would not really affect me in a major way.

It’s not that I hate my eyes. In fact, I am very much grateful for the fact that all my senses and body parts are still intact. It’s just that I have come to realize that maybe, if I lost my eyes, my other senses would be able to do the work for them better. Our eyes see mirages, our other senses can’t. Our eyes can easily be fooled, our other senses are much smarter.

It’s a Friday night, but quite unlike the teenagers I see on movies who spend their time partying on Friday nights, I’ll be going home, snuggling my favorite pillow while I watch TV or movies, or read a book I was supposed to finish eons ago. I guess the fact that its almost 9 PM (an unofficial official curfew set by my dad) for me to go home and start snuggling.

to delay studying…

Exams tomorrow and the day after. Something I look forward to as much as I look forward to kissing a cockroach prince charming (it doesn’t really matter how charming he might be… HE IS STILL AN EFFING COCKROACH!!!).

I have 2 hours before my next class. I MIGHT start studying for Strength just to alleviate the academic burden I doomed myself into experiencing. Without goals, it would not really matter whether I studied or not. Without goals, I would be in my bedroom right now, sleeping on my warm and cozy bed. Thus, doomed. All because of goals.

Fantasy time over. Today is an über hot day. The feeling of romance has gone with the cold. I have to admit, though, that I liked the morning sunlight on my face. Without the sunlight, I would be extremely sleepy right now. I have an unbelievable amount of energy right now, and I guess I should be grateful for the sun.

I am hungry. Better eat lunch.

Chow! I mean, Ciao!

standing tall

Today has been a long day. I predict the same for tomorrow, and the day after next. And so shall this vicious cycle go on, until the long days finally take control of every part of my almost consumed life. I’m tired of caring. I’m tired of whining about it. Hell, I’m so tired, I can barely think. Anyway, this isn’t new for me, so I might as well be positive while I still have the chance.

After days of failed attempts to write (producing millions of drafts, hanging entries, blank documents, and exaggerated statements such as this), I have found the time despite the wicked lack of it. Numerous academic atrocities plague me for tonight, and yet here I am, pouring my heart out before somebody, or something, else takes control of it. For tonight, I have my room to clean, Methods paper to begin finishing (nyajajaja!!!), exams to study for, and a mind whose sanity I have to preserve. Oh, did I mention that these things are meager appetizers? Wait ’til the main course comes! And don’t forget the dessert!

Damn. I am going insane. Well, insaner, to put it right. How I long to see the day when I can just shout “TO HELL WITH RESPONSIBILITIES!!!” then run down the street naked (without the cops interfering with such a glorious moment). Maybe, minus the naked part, I’ll see that day before I die. Or maybe not. If the latter should happen, a walking zombie Andie shouldn’t come much of a surprise.

February. I guess it’s the month I loathe the most. Not only is it short, it also brings with it the day made to celebrate love, but that which makes me feel very much unloved. I remember last year’s Valentine’s Day. After my tutorial job, my best friends Mujik and Menchie fetched me to have dinner at MTS. And guess what? We all had dates! Amazing, right? Mujik had Noynoy. Menchie had Ayi. And I had… a wooden chair! Unbelievable? Believe it!

This year’s Valentine’s is sure to be interesting though. I have a date with singles!!! Ms. Angie and Ms. J-Lo (respectively, soon to be ex-guidance counselor and registrar of Pisay). And maybe I’ll join the petition against Lovapalooza. It’s about time I stand up for something I have long been fighting for silently.

My day has been a little disappointing. My winning streak in Strength has been broken. My mind wandered quite a lot today, so much so that I even forgot that I had a class during 1:00-2:30 (I came in thirty minutes late, jajaja!!!). I feel a little faint, and a lot insane, but I guess that’s what happens if one forgets to eat at the right time (or simple neglects their rumbling stomach). A disappointing day, plus a long night… I wonder what will happen to me tomorrow?

A long entry amidst the crazy day? Almost impossible, right? I guess that must make me a super. SUPERRRR—–BLOGGER!!!!! Or maybe, just plain insane. PLAINNNNN—–INSANE!!!!! Take your pick!

I better head for home now. I’m hungry, and I absolutely have no plans of wasting my money on food from the Ateneo’s cafeteria.

Andie standing tall amidst insanity
(photo taken on 01312007)

cold

Yesterday was an extremely cold day. Cold, with a few drops here and there, but overall, just moist and cold. Quite perfect, really. Today started out cold, and I hope it stays that way.

I have been thinking. I am the kind of person whose mood is greatly influenced by the weather. The perfect adjective for this ‘weather mood’ has managed to escape my vocabulary, though. I might spend the next few days, or months, maybe even years (who knows?), just looking for the adjective. I guess I can live with that. Just as long as the weather remains cold.

Cold. Coldplay. I am listening to Coldplay’s X & Y album right now. I love the cold and Coldplay. Maybe, well, if the Philippines won’t need my help anymore, I’ll move. I’ll move someplace cold. I mean, snowless cold. More like Baguio City cold. I guess that puts the poles out of the picture. Maybe somewhere in Europe (somewhere near Coldplay?). Or Japan. Or Korea. Or maybe I’ll stay in the Philippines. Baguio would be more than good enough.

What’s with the cold weather, you might ask? Other than the fact that the cold weather is good for my health (in a certain way), it just makes me feel so good. Solitude is best felt in this kind of weather. The balance between joy and sorrow is something I did not expect to find in the deepest of solitudes. The cold makes me think a lot, thus, a lot of realizations awaken in me. Realizations I would not have conjured if my life revealed itself with the sweltering hot weather. I guess the weather makes every bit of difference in me. Weird, they say. I say, that’s Andie.

I still have a lot of things to do before going to school. I haven’t studied for my Econ 150 class (whose last quiz I was sure to have failed), but I guess I deserve to bask in this weather. I better end this entry, and put on some socks if I still have plans of walking properly today.