AndieCrafts

I have no one. I am no one. I feel so lost. I admit, I am weak. I find difficulty in handling problems that trifle with my emotions. Emotionally, I am a poorly-built boat: one strong wind can send me falling over myself.

I can trust no one. I have neither talked nor writ of my problems. I have lost my way over and over again, that I can no longer trace which treads have led me to the right direction, and which ones have added to my dissapointing pile of dissapoinments. I have done things to compensate for my confusions: Dark things that I take no one shall be able to understand, all the more accept.

Ironic. I am writing this in the middle of Circuits class, and guess what the teacher has just given us? More problems! But these problems I can take. Math and Physics have proven themselves one of the best friends a person as deranged as I could ever have.

I wonder if she even knows how painful this situation is for me. Is she enjoying it? Or does she think I am enjoying it? How about them: those who were supposed to be my source of strength? Do they even know how deep in pain I am? Are they able to see behind my smiles and see the tears that form on the corners of my eyes? Can they feel the darkness that shroud my being, the darkness that never leaves no matter how many times I cut myself in a vain attempt to remove the darkness from my body along with the blood? I try to be numb but the only thing that stops feeling are my wrists. I try too cry, but the tears just keep forming but never fall. I take that no one shall be able to understand me, not even myself.

I am dying. I have died so many times, I have begun to lost count ages ago. They say I am still young (and sometimes, I say that, too), but I feel like time has taken control over and fast-forwarded me, while everyone else, he gave the chance to live at their own pace. I am so sick of living, and even worse is the fact that life might just be as sick of me, too. I neither deserve nor want life. I have so many reasons not to live, but what I lack is the courage to end it all.

I have no one. I am no one. I am so weak, I can’t even get myself to end this meaningless existence they call my life.