AndieCrafts

 This is a conversation between Andie and Roa Ming some time today, around 12 noon.

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Andie: Can you please stop crying? You are starting to get on my nerves.

Roa:    I’ll stop once you teach me how to stop hurting.

A:        It’s been two days! You have to get over it! It’s not like you’re crying over a lost love or something.

R:        I know! How can you ever suppose that I don’t know?!? It’s the ugliest and most stupid video in the world, yes!!! I KNOW!!!

A:        If you do know, then why the tears?!? IT HAS BEEN TWO DAYS, GODAMMIT!

R:        Because the moment I remember that I spent a total of half a day on it, it becomes more than just a stupid and ugly video. And the moment I remember that it is more than just a stupid and ugly video to me, I start blaming myself for being stupid and ugly. I start wishing I was never born. I start wishing I read a new book all those hours I spent making it. I wish I were crying over a lost love instead of this. I wish I were dead.

A:         Why do you wish all these things? Especially the last one?

R:        Maybe because if someone up there listened and made it come true, I’d stop hurting.

A:        What makes you think you’d stop hurting that easily? It’s like saying I’d stop being angry the moment a person steps on my foot.

R:         Because the moment I die, I’m numb.

A:        Your body, maybe. But how would you feel if you saw people moving on without a trace of tears on their faces after you die?

R:        Hurt?

A:        Don’t answer me with a question! You know very well what I am talking about! The moment you die, there’s no chocolate mousse to soothe the pain after a really bad exam, and there’s no Andie to get you through things like these. Nothing at all to soothe your pains! The moment you die, and you end up hurting with what you see, you’ll end up hurting for all eternity! And you know very well that when you die, so would I. So keep strong, man! Live your life so that when you die, you’d see a lot of crying that would make you cry, too, but this time, in a happy and proud way. You hear me?

R:        …

A:        I guess that means a yes. Now, for some ice cream…

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The thing about Roa Ming is that she’s emo. And sometimes illogical. Andie, on the other hand, crazy as she might be, has this anger that fires her up without blinding her logic. People can barely tell who they are talking to. They think it’s mostly Andie, when in fact, Roa has been quite dominant lately. People know Andie by name, but not by trait. People know Roa by trait, not by name. People take Andie as the one having the traits of Roa, without knowing that Roa exists.

Roa would kill herself at the littlest bird poop dropping on her best shirt. It is Andie’s job to stop her.

Which one of me do you happen to know better?

I had the funniest experience yesterday. Funny, in the sense that it was quite stupid. But the emotions that provoked these happenings were far from being funny. In fact, they are quite depressing in nature.

On with the events. Awitenista 2008 happened last Saturday, and as a natural consequence of the event, everyone was quite busy to the point of derangement. I had an assignment for Awit, which was to make an AVP (Audio-Visual Presentation) for Awitenista Through the Years. Given this assignment, I stopped reading for 3 days (I have this goal of reading a total of at least 50 books for this year), just so I could finish it slowly but surely. A total of at least 12 hours were spent on that 1″27° presentation for these following reasons: first, is that I wanted to give my best, and although it wasn’t the best AVP on the show, it was, nonetheless, my best; and second, is that I am no Adobe Premiere genius. I have learned Adobe Premiere all on my own, and as much as I would like to have a formal education on the program, I haven’t had the opportunity. So there. As it turns out, my luck seems to favor me quite extra that day. Of the 3-hour show that was Awitenista, my barely half-and-one minute presentation didn’t make the cut. Yeah. Being the leaky faucet that I was, I cried myself silly for the better part of the weekend.

How so? Yesterday was the first decent conversation I had with my family after my dad left a day and a week ago. We were laughing ourselves silly. We do that all the time. But there was a little difference from the usual setting, which I’m not sure whether my family noticed or not. Every now and then, I would excuse myself, go up to my room, cry myself silly for a couple of minutes, then go back down and pretend like nothing happened. This went on for 5 hours. Yep! Stupid, I KNOW!

So I guess this is where I say that my decision to leave is final. This AVP assignment was supposed to make me change my mind, but as it turns out, my mind has geared towards leaving all the more. And I am not one to not take a hint. I GET THE HINT, OK?!?! SO WILL YOU JUST GET OFF MY BACK?!?!

Yeah… I’m kinda pissed of. *Steam coming out of my ears* The thing here is that as much as I love Kalasag, I cannot help but notice that I am beginning to harbor hard feelings towards (trying to be British here) it. I love Kalasag so much, and I can’t imagine myself continuing next year, and then graduating while harboring thoughts like “Kalasag talaga ang sumira ng buhay ko,” and “Kung ‘di ako sumali ng Kalasag, malamang masaya ako ngayon.” I wouldn’t like it to end that way. It’s good to end something that started good even at least semi-good (take that!). That way, nobody gets hurt, plus I get the chance to look back to good memories, not hard feelings.

I might be talking out of impulse here, but I’m a girl with the temperament of a raging and hungry bull in an arena with matadors. So sue me.

Yeah… I better get going now… I guess my eyes aren’t swollen anymore… Time for my Thermo exam (which I should have studied for last week, except that I spent all that time doing the AVP that was extremely useful)!