AndieCrafts

Ever since my 21st, I have been suffering from the most beautiful headaches. Yes, they were more than a tad bit irritating, but they brought me back to an earth I have since long thought I have left for hell (or heaven. As you will soon discover, it would not matter either way.)

Days that pass by with little, if any, awareness of things, or an unbearable lightness of being, as Milan Kundera would put it, are days that one either spend in heaven or in hell. Heaven, yes, for the burden of existence, once removed, brings about a certain comfort no substance (drugs, caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, what-have-you) ever could. Hell, for what is the point of living if it weren’t for the simple burden of life?

Since I am the girl with her glass always half empty, I have taken the liberty to consider my recent drift as that spent in hell. I pass by, seeing everything in it’s fiery red-and-black technicolor, feeling little pain, as most of it is numbed in places I no longer wish to consider as part of me. But the headaches remind me of my humanity, of feeling. And what best way to forget numbness than through pain?

I long to be reunited with a blade once again. It has been more than a year since I have last fed my lust for blood and the longing to see it flow from my wrist. I wonder if I can still stop the longing to feel much longer. I hope and do not at the same time.