a series of unfortunate events
My life’s a story gone terribly wrong. The Baudelaire orphans would have been utterly grateful had they met me. Their misfortunes-cum-adventures are fun compared to my plain misfortunes–no edits, no embellishments, but plain, fat, and sarcastic misfortunes. As if a life spent being overweight, fugly, feared, disliked, and avoided isn’t enough.
To enumerate the different misfortunes I have had for the past seven days might be too much for some. A few might even consider my accounts a bit too odd to happen to one person all at such a short span of time. All I can say is that if I do lie in this blog, it is often, if not always, in the forms of sarcasm, cynicism, and hyperbole. And albeit being in the most appropriate of moods to be sarcastic, my misfortunes for the past week deserve credit to be told only in utter truth (despite its dismal nature).
1. I came and passed our FS late last Saturday.
2. Ran out of luck by Sunday.
3. For Monday, went out and had a bit of fun, but little did I know the lack of luck that was to face me for the remainder of the days for this week.
4. Went into asthma attack mode first thing in the morning last Tuesday. Got to school late because of my slow medication.
5. Had to volunteer for Theo to not get canned in the subject.
6. Had to live with the fact that Ms. Cataluña, who once worked for a garments manufacturing business, would be one of the panelists for our FS. To make things clearer, our FS is about a garments manufacturing business as well.
7. Got called in Philo class because I bobbed my head like a stupid head-bobber-cat like the ones you usually find in cars. I swear it was as embarrassing as those dreams wherein you went up the stage and recited something in front of the entire school, naked.
8. Went home and had my brakes busted a few kilometers before getting home. No car for the next 2 weeks.
9. Had to attend my cousin’s debut and finish the defense all at the same time. I chose both, but realized too late that I only had one body. I went home early from my cousin’s debut, but too drained that I can’t even utter a single syllable by the time I went trhough the front door.
10. Was slightly lucky to not get chosen for defense on the for
st day.
11. Sucked, completely, during the defense. This is 60% of our final grade for the subject, by the way.
12. Submitted Philo paper late.
13. My mom’s car got drained (battery) while I was attending the send-off for IE students. The send-off, by the way, made me feel like a stupid and effing useless imbecile. Not a good thing to experience for someone who is suicidal.
Yeah. Lucky. I know. I bet if I tried to kill myself, I’d be so unlucky that I’d end up crippling myself instead. Then I would have to suffer insurmountable pain for as long as I shall live. Pathetic.