more realizations
I look at the mess that is my room, and I realize, it is not so messy anymore. Then I remember that I did tidy it up a little, two days ago, and now I know why I feel still tired despite the seven hours of sleep I have had. I woke up at about 4 in the morning just to study for my P.E. class, which is very extraordinary, since I rarely study for P.E., except when it is not really P.E. anymore but more of anatomy (which happened last semester), and since I plainly hate dancing, even in its more technical terms. After I finished studying, I realized that there was more to it than just plain studying. So much of me has changed for the past year, and I cannot even begin to fathom the fact that I had been so different from other people, not because I really was, but either because others made me that way, or I chose to be that way. I changed in my views of school, and life. In my past life, I looked at school as nothing more than an annoying set of buildings with teachers made to make the life of their students as wretched as possible. Although I still sometimes look at school in this manner, I do so now in a more dignified manner with noble intentions to add. I also got attached with my teenage hormones, allowing emotions of confusing quality, and not the love for my God, to reign over me. Granting that I might not exactly be living my words, I do try, and it is not exactly that easy. Of course it goes without saying that a lot of things are easier said than done, no matter how cliché that may be.
One of the reasons why I am updating right now is because I want to be not so early for school. Kim just sent me a message at four o’clock, saying that he is studying for P.E. as well, and he might just be early for school. He noted the fact that I have been ignoring him all day yesterday, and he expressed his want of not being ignored today. But I really do not know… Halfway into the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, I was willing to give him another chance, but finishing it was just another story. I really do not know. I am so confused, as many people would probably be in my situation. Anyway, I constantly believe that I should not be even troubling myself with such matters, since I have a lot more to my mind and time than I can even manage.
And so I shall say my farewell, for school is waiting, my breakfast is waiting, and my medicines are waiting. I shall try to update once again when I get home from school, praying that I will not be so tired when I do.