no one knows my name
I could, and will, call this day the lowest I have had in a very long while. I have had my short bouts of anger, madness, and, well, pretty much every disturbing emotion there is, but none has gone as long, and as lonesome as this, that is, in quite a long while now. The worst part of this emotional trench is that I have managed to smile and laugh while having this weird and indescribable pain in my chest not even the most powerful painkiller could murder.
I’m tired, lost, and literally falling to pieces, and no one even knows, all the more care. The relationships I have been getting my strength from now make me weaker. Right now, all I need is a little attention and a tad of understanding. But I guess I cannot afford that with my meager salary.
I had a fight with the woman whom I thought would understand me the most. Right now is a difficult time for me, but I am facing it with a smiling face despite the big dark circles that are forming under my eyes. My commitments, which are my job, school, and Kalasag, confuse me a lot, but I know I’ll get by. I am still adjusting, and I thought she’d understand that. I know I’m sick and that I should do everything to make my body stronger, but I have other things going for me, too. Of all people whom I thought would understand, she failed me miserably. With what just happened, I feel like I’ve just lost my home.
I thought I’d be getting the additional support I have been needing desperately someplace, but the past few days have proven me wrong. The little attention, help, and laughter have now run out of supply, and I feel like such an effing idiot. I feel like stabbing myself in the chest every time I solicit some attention and yet it returns big and empty, not unlike a hard slap in the face. I feel like melting every time my words end up unheard and simply dissolved in the wind. I am so lost, I feel like the second home I came running to when I lost my first was burned down by a merciless arsonist - leaving nothing behind.
I am spending my time in the office, quite alone and much, much lonelier. I have only two places to go, but the reasons to actually do so have strayed. I feel like I know everyone, but nobody knows me. I am even crying myself silly right now, believe it or not.
What if i went someplace where nobody really knew my name? My current world is spent on coexisting with people who knows my face and name but not me. What would it feel like to be a real stranger in a strange new place? Would starting anew become reality and not just some part of a song I so love? Would I find myself and in the process pave way for others to find me?
I am homeless… Please help me find a new home…
That is if my old ones are far too broken to be repaired…
June 24th, 2007 at 12:31 am
“What would it feel like to be a real stranger in a strange new place?”
~ In life there is a point where you feel down and you can’t think of anything but old faults in your life. It may be yours or someone else’s. disagreements, betrayal, stupid decisions.. i tell people to get more sleep because they tend to see the negative buffs in life when they lack sleep. On the other hand, you might be on the stage where you feel nobody sees you because you want them to see you the way you see yourself. Sometimes the people around you are afraid to support or become rejected that they unconciously do these things to those that they love.
What if you are a stranger in your own comfort zone? I know how it feels because i was there. leave old hurts behind. take action when the need will arise. you’ll know what to do after. have great weekend!
June 25th, 2007 at 7:34 am
I had half a good weekend, thanks!!!ü
I feel better now…Just a few more hours of sleep, and I might just pull myself away from suicidal and back to plain insane.
Jejeje… Just kidding…üüü
July 5th, 2007 at 10:09 pm
pag may sakit.. huwag kalimutan mag pagaling
syempre may sakit eh.. hehehe 
July 6th, 2007 at 8:46 am
ah-hah! masaya!!!