on dreams and regrets (a silent rant)
How do you think you’d feel if you had to constantly tell yourself, “If only…” I have always held on to a belief that regrets are a regular part of life, and people who claim that they have never felt regret are either stupid, forgetful, or just plain old pompous asses. Regret allows for one to learn the lessons needed to be wiser, and is by no means bad. What is bad is wallowing in these regrets. Of all the mistakes I have made in my life, it seems as if I have compensated best for those I regretted the most. If people truly did not have any regrets, how else they are to compensate satisfactorily for their mistakes, I have no idea.
No. Having regrets do not bother me at all. In fact, I welcome them, stupid as that may sound. Should something go wrong, feeling enough regret should either make others realize that I’ve learned my lesson, therefore cutting me some slack, or make me realize that I have to do something to feel better. What truly bothers me about regretting things is if I had regrets because someone else did not support what I had initially set my heart and mind out on doing.
People may not realize it, but other people’s opinion can get to me pretty bad. Scrap strangers’ opinions regarding my looks and all that jazz. I’m referring to opinions as to life choices and other similar decisions, especially if these came from the people who matter most to me. I remember a saying that to those who matter, it doesn’t matter. This does not hold true for me, especially when it comes to the two people whose opinions matter the most to me. Every major decision I make seem to aggravate them into an anger or a stupor of some kind. I always thought they’d support me, but upon a little evaluation, they only did if my decisions would make me a socially advanced person, or if it shielded them from further inconveniences.
The only way I can truly be fulfilled in life is if I start living it on my own. I do not just want a life consisted of getting a good job, achieving higher education, and reaching the top of the corporate ladder as it’s peak. No. I want a life wherein my creativity will be used. I want a life wherein I can create as much as I can. I don’t want to work forever. I want to be able to make other people happy with what I create. But God help me, where am I to start?