the easy and the difficult
You know how it is with certain things: some you find easy, some you find difficult. It’s just that recently, a lot of the things I need to do become much more difficult to accomplish. Is it just me, or is it because I need to let go of these things and focus instead on the things that truly matter to me?
First off, I’m known to be anti-social. And this is not just fiction. And I’m not trying to do anything to change this. Yes, I am anti-social, and for some good reasons. One of those reasons is that I just love staying at home. Maybe because I’m too lazy, or simply because I desire the company of people who truly deserve my attention (and these people happen to be fewer than 20. Don’t get me wrong, these people are not exceptionally smart, good-looking, or even popular. Quite simply, these are the people who’ve cared greatly for me, and whom I care greatly for. What can I say? I guess I have my own sentimental side as well.). But recently, I have been enjoying going out. It used to take every ounce of my strength to get prepped up for a night out, or even just for coffee. But now, I seem to enjoy even just the thought of going out. I enjoy taking the time to look nice and feeling this genuine joy for spending time with real people. People who might not care much about me, but nonetheless people who have taken the time to sit down and talk. I guess I have been becoming more of a robot recently, that I’m craving some human interaction to remind me that I was born human. Coolness.
Another thing that seemed to undergo some difference in my life is writing. I am enjoying it more than ever. I’ve realized that I’ve been absent from the writing scene (aside from school papers and our God-forsaken feasibility study) for quite some time, and honestly, the past year hasn’t been exactly the friendliest time for me to write. I will not deny that writing for the past year seemed like a chore to me 90% of the time. And it’s not because I don’t have the time to write. I really don’t know what happened, but that’s just how things have gone. As for now, I’m writing, and I’m loving it. I’m really just wishing, though, that I get to have the chance for some formal education with regard to writing. It would be great to have some classes in journalism or creative writing. If I can manage to swallow the bitter pill that is my current Theology class (I’m sorry, but I care better for my own crap than for the class), which happens to be an effing requirement, then how nice would it be to take some writing classes for the heck of it?
As for the difficult, this has become an entirely long list for me recently. Aside from studies and my affiliations, keeping some focus and establishing priorities are becoming taxing tasks for me. My mind seems to wander a lot recently, which I think makes it easier for me to write, but more difficult for pretty much everything else. My priorities have also become extremely jumbled up. Just 7 months ago, I was so intent on getting myself a scholarship which will enable me to get a good job in a reputable company right after graduation. Which I did, thank God. But now, I’m not so sure of my plans. I currently want to be a Physics teacher at Pisay for a year, just for the heck of it, and maybe even take some writing classes while I’m at it. And this happened to be a source of conflict for me and my mom recently. I don’t know. What am I supposed to do, really? If I didn’t teach, would I regret it at a later time, maybe when I’m at the peak of my career while working for my current scholarship sponsor? I still have a few months to think things through. Maybe my mom’s right. Maybe this is just a current whim that might go away in time. I really do hope that the next few months will be a witness to me discovering not only the career path I will not regret taking, but also some clarity of mind leading to better focus and a clearer view of the things I really need to prioritize. God, these things weren’t so difficult for me to do before. Why now, when I need the ease to do them the most?
For now, I need to work on my Engineering Ethics class. I like the class. It’s making me think more of things that aren’t set in stone. Like my life plans. Hopefully, this class will be able to help me in deciding and thinking things through for the next 4 months of my college life.
November 25th, 2008 at 10:16 pm
know your why andie.